Mom Then and Now

I think Mom has given up! October 22, 2009

This is probably the saddest time in my life.  I think mom has given up on life and I am not handling this too well.  I have to put up pretences in front of her and feel totally drained.  Adam, the youngest, seems to be taking strain as well.

Mom is now scared to be alone even for 1 minute.  Sarah has been sitting with her lately while she sleeps in the day and she wanted Sarah to sit with her tonight through the night.  Sarah is really over worked because she is the only one that mom wants at the moment when it comes to helping her.  We negotiated with mom and she agreed she will sleep alone if we leave the light on and the door open.

I noticed that she has become scared lately as she cries if I go out even for 1 hour.  If I go out I make everyone in the house sit with her until I get back so that she can see there is a house full of people.

I asked her tonight if she wanted a nurse to sit with her every night and she said yes she thinks so.  I will see how she feels tomorrow and maybe this is the way to go.

On Sunday when Alan was here she told him that she is going to die soon and we are hearing this more and more often.  Tonight she told Sarah that this is her last night.

Danie and I were discussing her birthday party with her tonight which is a month from today but she told us not to worry she will not be here by then.

She is so incredibly unhappy and I don’t blame her at all.  Maybe I am being paranoid but I  just have a feeling the end is near.

Should I be selfish and pray that this is not true or should I accept losing my mother if that is what she wants?