Mom Then and Now

Maybe things happen for a reason…… July 26, 2011

My life has taken a total turn.  Rene always said “I don’t know where you come from cause you are so different to me.  You have no compassion or empathy.”  Well mom….maybe you would be pleased and proud to know I do have compassion and empathy after all.  What a pity that mom cannot see this for herself!

I gave up my job totally as it was impossible to concentrate on my work with mom calling for me the minute I left the house. Danie has been absolutely wonderful about this, putting himself in debt knowing that it is something I need to do.

I had been attending my Support Group for almost a year when the Leader of the Group phoned to tell me that she needed to step down and asked me if I would mind taking over the group from her.  I was delighted to do this!  This was the start to what I think was “my calling”.  I went to an Alzheimer’s SA workshop about the same time as I became the Leader of the Support Group and met Jill Robson the Regional Director Western Cape.  Since that day I have been working with Jill and help on her committee.  I do counselling whenever I can, be it on the phone or in someone’s home.  In September, which is Alzheimer’s Month I will be giving my first hour talk on mom.  This will be my test to see if I can actually do this without becoming too emotional!  I have done a couple of courses and in October I will be going to Johannesburg to do a Leadership Course.  I think meeting Jill was the best thing that could have happened to me as I want to do as much work as I can for Alzheimer’s and she seems to be more than willing that I help out.

Soon I will be visiting all the Old Age Homes to see how they all operate so that I can recommend them to people needing homes.

One of the ladies from the Support Group asked if Jill and I would give some training to the nurses of the home her mom is in which we did and I decided to adopt a couple of grannies that did not get visitors.  I started off adopting 4 and now have about 8 grannies and 4 grandpas that I visit weekly.  I am getting more and more involved with the children of the parents in that specific home.  One daughter heard about me in Port Elizabeth and phoned to ask if I could visit her blind mother.  She has become my favorite granny and I look forward to my weekly visits.  The old folk there are all so precious and I think I get more out of my visit than they get out of me visiting them.

I hope that my work for Alzheimer’s increases as this is what I love doing!  My life has never been more fulfilled!

Wow…How time flies! July 26, 2011

It has been over a year since I last wrote on the blog.  Where I used to love writing the blog and telling everyone about Rene I now find it depressing more than anything else.

Rene is now a shadow of her former self.  I think she weighs less than 35kg (the last weight we got when we weighed her about a year ago).  Its impossible to now get her on a scale to weigh her.

Rene cannot stand or walk one step anymore.  Her hands are now totally useless as the brain is not allowing her to open her fingers at all.  This has caused major problems because the hands now get infected easily as the fingers dig into the palms and they bleed a lot.  The tips of the fingers are all raw and the palms are broken open.  It worries me that there is maybe something we can do about this but have had a physiotherapist, an occupational therapist and two doctors here to see her hands and they all say we are doing all we can for her.  We soak her hands in salt water every day for 10 minutes and then we have to pry those hands open to try and dry them well and put ointment and gauze in them.  Rene screams from pain every day and we feel so sorry for her but there is nothing else we can do.  The doctor said she can scream from pain for 5 minutes but if we don’t do the hands she would probably lose them.

Jenny, the carer, bumped mom’s leg against the wheelchair and the leg burst open.  We had the doctor here who thought she would have to go into theatre.  I went ballistic!!  Anyway…the doctor saw I was not handling this very well and went to chat to her partner who knows mom best.  He phoned to tell me that I can bring her into his surgery and he would stitch her up.  She had not been in a car since Selwyn’s funeral last year January.  What a mission that was to get her into the car but we managed.  The doctor took one look at her and said that her skin is too thin to stitch up.  Duh!!  Anyway he put some plasters on that keep the skin together which we will have taken off on Thursday which will be 2 weeks.  We have not let her get out of bed for 2 weeks to keep the pressure off the leg.  She does not ask to get out of bed and I just hope she wants to get out once this is all over.

Rene seldom talks anymore and when she does she seldom makes sense.  She lies in bed for hours on end staring at the ceiling.  Even when she sits in her wheelchair she stares at the ceiling.  She is not interested in visitors anymore and basically ignores everyone.

Very few visitors come to see her.  Its basically my brother Alan, nephew Brett with his daughter Tyla and my friends Fransie and Allan.  The phone calls have stopped except for Christine that phones almost daily!

Mom is still happy and comfortable besides the hand.  She never gives us a moment’s problems.  The carers on the other hand are giving endless hassles but I suppose this is to be expected.