Mom Then and Now

What can I say… April 16, 2010

I have not written on the blog for quite a while and I apologize, especially to those that keep asking why I am not updating it.  In the beginning, writing the blog, was therapy for me and I enjoyed the fact that people might learn from it when they have dealings with Alzheimer’s/Dementia.  Although to me not very much has changed since the last post, I am sure to someone not with her every day, this is not so.

Rene has become quieter and more subdued but I think she is happy and content.  When I think back to the time when mom moved into our home I cannot believe the screaming and shouting that took place.  The frustration was unbearable.  Today mom is a pleasure to have around.  I am so grateful that I stuck to my guns and did not put her into a home when I thought I would never be able to cope with this.  Now I am just sad and probably a bit depressed to see my mother today being hardly a shadow of her former self.

She knows who Danie, the kids and I are most of the time.  She asks for me the minute I am out of sight and although happy every time she sees me, I am the only one that she complains to.  The minute I walk into the room she says “Oh thank God you are here.  I have had such pains in my legs/hands or whatever else she feels like complaining about”.

The phone has almost stopped ringing and very few visitors come to see her except for family.  She still loves people and although she might not know who the person is she is happy someone has come to see her.  This is probably the saddest thing about someone that is so sick.  People seem to be scared and cannot cope with seeing the patient.  If only they knew how much visits meant to them…  When I think of the people Rene visited when they were sick, the mentally retarded and the aged she cared for in the Lions as well as all her customers she dealt with then I think about how unfair life is.

I don’t think mom realizes that Selwyn was her son.  I think she remembers this loving person that came to visit her and she misses that.  She has asked “when last has someone seen Selwyn” about 4 times and when we explain that he passed away and she went to the funeral, she will say “oh yes thats right” and carry on with whatever she was doing.

Mom seldom smiles anymore and Adam is the only one that can really make her laugh.

My brother, Alan, and his partner Maureen visit at least once a week.  I think for Alan it is also becoming difficult to see mom like this.  The two of us normally go to the support group together once and month and I know I enjoy this group and I think Alan does as well.

Danie, Adam and I have started ballroom dancing classes and I am loving it. As I said last night, its my one real break in the week.  Mom is in bed and sleeping by the time we leave and I feel I can just relax and although I still check the cell phone every few minutes I forget about home for a few hours!!

Mom is very well looked after with carers 24/7.  I see that she is always beautifully dressed as she would have dressed herself.  I see to it that she is bathed every day and washed down at least once a day or more if necessary and furthermore I have told the carers their priority is to be nice to her at all times.  Her life revolved around doing things for others and I want her to be comfortable in every way.  That is what she deserves!!